Crickets Are Not Kosher

Ribbet, Ribbet, Ribbet (no, I did not make frog...yet)

coffeeandamphetamines — Thu, 18 Apr 2013 20:03:00 -0500

My maternal grandfather was 2nd generation German-American, so I grew up eating all manner of German foods. From bieroks to rouladen. Another staple in my house as a youth was pork roast and sauerkraut. I never much watched my mom cooking, I usually just ate the food. Some things I favored, others I wouldn’t touch with a barge pole. Typically sauerkraut was one. I hated it on reubens or polish sausages. But when she would make her pork roast and sauerkraut, I would wolf it down like it was my last meal. Shockingly enough, since I developed a love for cooking, I have only made pork roast with sauerkraut once. I know! WTF is wrong with me? Spouse spent a sizeable chunk of his 4 year stint in Germany, sampling all kinds of yumminess which left him with a love of all things bratwursty and krauty. So you would think this would be a common meal in our house, yes? Nope. I have no idea why I don’t make it more, but now…things have changed.

This brings us to 2 weeks ago and our Door to Door Organics order. They had pork spare ribs on sale, and me, being overly ambitious and possessing a brand new oven, decided I was going to BBQ some damn ribs. YEEE HAW! Cut to this past weekend and those damn ribs are still in my freezer. OOPS. I dithered about what I was going to do with them. Would I make my own spicy-vinegery sauce to cook them in or would I just dump a bottle of pre-made on top and call it a day. Then, while wandering through our local Whole Foods Market, I noticed an end-cap of these. I have seen that brand before, but never tried it. I will buy kraut for Spouse and Rabid Hyena the Elder, but always in a jar and always Frank’s brand. Yes, even though I don’t really eat it, I am a complete kraut snob. Canned kraut is blasphemy, and mom always swore by Frank’s. I looked closer at the jars and was impressed with how fresh looking it all was. the cabbage was still white and not limp and translucent. I had to get some…but what to use it for. Ah yes, pork roast! But after wandering over to the butcher’s counter and coughing at the price, I remembered those ribs lying neglected in my deep freeze. So here you go, I scoured the web looking for a recipe that sounded good to me, found this and adapted it.

Pork Spare Ribs and Sauerkraut

about 4 pounds pork spare ribs (next time I am going to use pork country style ribs instead, less work to cut.)

1 jar of Bubbie’s sauerkraut, drained

2 cloves of minced garlic

2 cups of unsweetened applesauce

2 tbls of dark brown sugar

1 tbl of dried, minced onion (yeah, I realize it calls for caraway seeds, but not only did I not have any, I don’t like them and neither does Spouse, and I am fairly certain that the Rabid Hyena Pair would have gagged on them as well.)

Instructions

Preheat oven to 450. Wash & dry the ribs and rub both sides with salt, pepper and granulated garlic. Place meat side down in a shallow roasting pan and roast for 20 minutes, uncovered.

In a large non-reactive bowl, mix kraut, garlic, applesauce, minced onion and brown sugar. Lower the oven temp to 250 and flip the ribs so they are now meaty side up. (Let me pause a moment here to say that since I used the wrong kind of ribs than what was suggested in the original recipe, I only GUESSED at which was the meaty side and which was the non-meaty side. They both seemed meaty to me. *shrug*) Pour the kraut mixture over the ribs, cover the pan with foil and roast for 1-1/2 to 2 hours. I did 2 just to be sure.

I then removed the pan from the oven and allowed it to sit while I steamed some veggies as a side. I then spooned the kraut off the ribs, cut them and served them with the kraut mixture (now liberally mixed with pan juices), steamed veggies and challah dinner rolls. Or, something like this:

It was so good. In fact I loved that damn kraut mixture so much that I only ate half my veggies and went back for seconds.

ZOMG A new recipe!

coffeeandamphetamines — Fri, 05 Apr 2013 11:04:37 -0500

I know, long time no post. My health and general sloth have made me lose interest in blogging my cooking, although I am still doing it. Today we have a recipe that many will gag at, and few will attempt, but I am posting it for the few that might want to take a stab at it.

Liver & Onions

1 lb of beef liver, cleaned and sliced (I get this from a local oragnic farm and it comes to me ready to go. It’s nice.)

1/8 of a cup of aged balsamic vinegar

juice of two good sized oranges

2 cloves of garlic, minced

1 half of a medium sized onion, sliced in rings

2 tbl butter

Remove liver from it’s packaging and marinate for 24 hours or more in a mix of the garlic, balsamic and orange juice.

24 or so hours later, saute the sliced onion in 1 tbl of the butter until golden and just starting to caramelize. Remove from pan and set aside. Add the other tbl of butter and saute the liver pieces until they achieve a nice brown sear.

Serve slices with a few onions scattered on top.

It’s not going to be everyone’s favorite meal, but if you need an iron boost, it is aces. Plus the marinade helps remove some of the funky taste that liver is known for.

In my house, only my oldest son & I will eat this, but one pound is more than enough for us. I share with one of the cats too…the other cat turns her nose up and tries to bury it, HA!

I know, I suck...

coffeeandamphetamines — Tue, 21 Aug 2012 12:14:42 -0500

I have seriously been slacking in the food blog posts of late, so as a way to toss you a bone (hurhurhur) I give you some gratuitous shots of my lunch today.

Steamed cauliflower with cheese sauce and a chopped up fake turk’y-tomato-avocado burger steamed with a little worcestershire sauce. I know the turk’y burger is hard to see, sorry. This is like my version of cheeseburger mac.

Moving on, we have this:

Seeded cucumber spears lightly tossed with granulated lime and sea salt. If you let them sit with that stuff on them, they taste a bit like pickles…really tasty.

Pastaless Italian Gunk

coffeeandamphetamines — Mon, 13 Aug 2012 18:48:02 -0500

Okay, I know the name is seriously lacking, and I know I have been slacking in the recipe posting of late. The following recipe has no pictures save for one of the finished product, as I was not quite sure how it would turn out. Spouse has deemed it ‘outstanding’ and encouraged me to post, so here you go.

The What

1 tbl extra virgin olive oil (I recently bought a bottle of DaVinci brand and I love it, so much rich olive smell/flavor)

2 - 15 oz cans of tomato sauce (I like that Red Gold brand because it is all natural and CHEAP)

1 - 14.5 oz can of petite diced tomatoes, drained (again, Red Gold is effin cheap, yo!)

4 Morningstar Farms Mushroom Lover’s Burgers

1 - 16 oz bag of frozen veggies, Normandy blend (for those not in the know, this is broccoli, cauliflower and carrots)

1/4 cup of shredded parmesan cheese

1 tbl of agave syrup (or sugar, or brown sugar, or honey…some kind of natural sweetener to bring out the flavor of the tomatoes and help cut some of the acid)

2 tsp of the dried italian herbs of your choice (I used my beloved Rustic Tuscan Blend…the secret spice of all Tuscan Raiders)

4 tsp worcestershire sauce

salt & pepper to taste (I totally used bacon salt here)

The How

Sauté chopped onion & minced garlic in olive oil until just starting to caramelize. Add tomato sauce, drained tomatoes, spices, agave syrup, salt & pepper. Simmer for 30 minutes on low. Top veggie burgers with one tsp of worcestershire sauce per burger and broil until done. Steam veggie blend until soft. Chop the veggie burgers in pieces and add, along with the veggies, to the cooked sauce. Sprinkle 1 tbl of shredded parmesan atop each serving. You can add a slice of garlic bread to this, but be mindful that it will really up the calories/fat and points.

Sans garlic bread, this comes to a nice 7 points for a really generous portion.

Black Bean & Sweet Tater Chili

coffeeandamphetamines — Mon, 23 Jul 2012 17:35:46 -0500

This is a recipe I have made many times over the years, not really sticking to a recipe so much as just making it with what I have on hand. However, in the interest of staying on program, I have decided to write up tonight’s recipe.

(ETA, I have not made this as I said I would, so I have no photos. However, I decided to post the recipe anyway for the benefit of my one reader…yes, I am a nerd.)

Ingredients

2 tbl extra virgin olive oil

1 small to medium sized red onion, diced (I usually use yellow onion, but I happen to have some amazing red ones now)

2-3 cloves of garlic, smashed and minced

3 largeish sweet potatoes, or 6 smallish ones, peeled and cubed

2 cans of black beans, drained and rinsed (I like Bush’s or S&W brands the best)

1 can of tomatoes with green chilies (like rotel…choose your own level of hot, OR use fresh chilies if you have them on hand, and sauté with the onion and garlic)

2-3 medium sized fresh tomatoes, diced (or one can of diced tomatoes works too)

2 tsp of agave syrup (if you do not have this, a little white or brown sugar will work…even honey)

1-2 tbl chili powder (more if you feel it needs it, and you can even add a pinch of cayenne to up the heat)

1 tbl cumin (I realize the chili powder has cumin in it too, but trust me you will want extra)

A good shake of cinnamon (this really adds a little something special to the mix)

sea salt to taste

Directions

In an good sized stock pot, sauté onion and garlic (and fresh chilies if using them) in the olive oil until soft.

Add sweet potato cubes and sauté for another 10 minutes.

Add everything else and give it all a good stir. Cover and allow to simmer on medium low for an hour. The sweet potatoes will probably get soft and break up some, this is no concern. After an hour, uncover, stir and salt to taste. Serve with tortilla chips…either fresh made ones or bagged, totally your call.

This makes 6 to 8 servings depending on how large you make them, for a WW points value of 6 points for 8 servings and 8 points if you make it into 6 servings. Either way, it’s a really tasty and healthy vegetarian riff on chili and my family digs it…a lot.

Chip Off!

coffeeandamphetamines — Sun, 08 Jul 2012 11:41:00 -0500

Okay, eff popchips in their cardboardy anuses with a rusty pitchfork. No…really. They completely suck balls and taste like something you should be using to pack granny’s collection of Precious Moments figurines in before you ship them off to desperate buyers from ebay. Yeah, yeah…I know they have all the hip celebrity endorsements. But those people get paid to endorse them, and then use that money to buy better chips.

These are godly. They actually taste like food and the seasonings are not too salty. But good luck finding them. I put in my info and was told no place around me sells them despite my purchase of 4 varieties yesterday. Regardless, I WILL find a steady supplier, yes I will. These come to 3 points for a 27 (TWENTY-SEVEN!) chip serving, and 1 measly point for a half serving. I plan to go halvsies when I do them with sammiches, but 27 chips and some hummus makes a nice 5 point snack.

Yes, you will see WW points listed all over my posts from now on. I am on program bitches, and I am OCDing all over the place with it! :D

Juan O'Shea's Soyrizo-Cabbage Soup

coffeeandamphetamines — Fri, 06 Jul 2012 18:29:00 -0500

I know the title is an ethnic parody, deal with it :D

So, in an attempt to use up some of the veg we had lounging about in the fridge (yes vegetables lounge, and then they get soft…then squishy and gross…HORK! So one must make use of them as soon as one can and in whatever manner one can, right?) and crafted this soup idea in my head. We shall see if it tastes as good as it sounds.

Stuff

2 tbl extra virgin olive oil

1 small to medium yellow onion, diced

3 large cloves of garlic, smashed and roughly chopped (trust me they will melt into the soup later)

1 tube of Soy Chorizo (there are a few brands on the marker, like Melissa’s and Cacique, I have used both and we like both brands a lot…more than real chorizo for the most part. However, I prefer the Cacique and is what I used in this)

4 cups of water

2-3 cups of cabbage, sliced about 1/4 of an inch thick then chopped (I think any kind would work here, just be mindful of cooking times. Varieties like savoy and bok choy cook up a bit faster than the green & red head kinds. I used green as it is what was on hand.)

1 lb of baby carrots, whole

2 cups small yukon gold potatoes, cubed

2 vegetable bouillon cubes, low sodium if you have it

1 tbl brown sugar

1 bottle of Woodchuck Hard Cider, granny smith flavor (make sure this is room temp so it won’t slow your cooking time)

1-2 tsp of dried oregano

Things

Sautee garlic and onion in a stock pot, in the olive oil, on medium until they start to soften.

Add the soy chorizo, stirring well and allow to cook for about 5-10 minutes.

Deglaze the pan with the bottle of room temp cider and allow to cook for another 5 min. (This particular hard cider is only 5% alcohol so this will burn off as the soup simmers too.) Add all 4 cups of water, potatoes, carrots, bouillon cubes, brown sugar and oregano…giving it all a really good stir.

Cover and allow to simmer on medium for 40 minutes or until the veggies are soft. Add cabbage, cover and simmer for another 15 min. or until the cabbage you used is soft.

This makes 6 servings for 5 WW points each to which one could add a fresh slice of barley bread (3 WW points for the bread, bringing it up to 8 WW points total)

Just 9 Points

coffeeandamphetamines — Tue, 03 Jul 2012 18:46:00 -0500

So, I started back on Weight Watchers today in an effort to control not only what I eat on a daily basis, but the size of my ass. The following meal is something I tossed together in my head and added the recipes to on the WW recipe builder site and all together comes to 9 points total. It’s loaded with lean protein, fresh veggies and a lot of flavor without a lot of fat or unhealthy cooking methods.

Roasted Potatoes

4 c. yukon gold potatoes, cubed (with the skins left on)

2 tbl extra virgin olive oil

2 tbl worcestershire sauce

several good shakes of a salt free spice blend of your choosing

pinch of sea salt

Toss cubed taters with the w-sauce and olive oil, making sure to coat well. Add spices and salt and toss again to coat.

Transfer potato mixture to a bread loaf pan and roast/bake in a 375 degree oven for 45 minutes to an hour or until soft and slightly crispy at the edges. (Makes 4 good sized servings with a WW points value of 3 per serving)

Broiled Chops

4 pork loin chops (boneless and 4 oz each)

1 tbl extra virgin olive oil

2 tbl worcestershire sauce

pinch of sea salt

salt free seasoning blend of your choice (enough to rub into each side of the chops)

Drizzle each chop with a 1/2 tbl of worcestershire sauce, then oil both sides of each chop with the olive oil. Season each side of the chops with salt and the seasoning blend, rubbing it in well. Cover and allow to sit in the fridge while the potatoes cook, before broiling on 400 until done. (I broil on a rectangular dish with a heavy wire rack inside it to allow fat to drop down to the pan below. This makes 4 servings with a WW points value of 5 per serving)

Cucumber & Tomato Salad

2 cups of fresh tomatoes, cubed

3 cups of fresh cucumbers, peeled & cubed (you can leave the peel on if you like, I personally have issues with digesting it. Cucumber peels make my innards so very angry.)

pinch of sea salt

2 tbl balsamic vinegar

Toss cukes and tomatoes with the salt & vinegar and allow to sit while the potatoes and chops are cooking. (Makes 4 large servings with a WW points value of 1 per serving)

Winter in June Beef Stew

coffeeandamphetamines — Fri, 22 Jun 2012 20:15:00 -0500

Typically, this is a dish I would make in the late fall or winter, but since I had vegetables that needed using I decided why not. This is a pretty standard recipe for me and if I have blogged this before on here, I apologize.

Ingreeds

1 lb of stew meat (I use beef, but lamb would work well here too…and the pieces don’t need to be absolutely uniform if you are cutting your own, just keep to 1 to 2 inch cubes and you should be fine)

1 small to medium sized yellow onion, diced

2 to 3 small cloves of garlic, minced

8 or 9 small new potatoes, cubed (see photos)

1 lb of baby carrots, whole

3 small to medium sized fresh tomatoes, cubed (see photos)

2 good splashes of worcestershire sauce

1 cup of dry red wine (I like a good cabernet or merlot, and I am not of a mind to use wine you wouldn’t drink for cooking. Eff that noise. IMO, it’s all the same thing. If, however, you do not drink wine, just use another cup of water it will work all the same.)

1 cup of water

1 beef bouillon cube (as I have said previously I love Edward & Sons Not-Beef cubes, but use your fave here)

several really good shakes of herbes de provence (see photos)

2 tbl extra virgin olive oil

Direcs

Saute onion and garlic in the olive oil on medium heat until it gets really brown but not burnt. Like this:

Add the stew meat and one good splash of w-sauce. Allow beef to brown on all sides then add potatoes and carrots.

Add about this much herbes de provence (then - you know the drill - give it a good stir):

While the potatoes, carrots & herbs are getting to know the beef, onions and garlic, cut up your tomatoes thusly:

Add tomatoes and another splash of w-sauce give it all a good stir. Make them all mingle like sorority chicks at a kegger. Add the red wine, water and bouillon cube…after which you will want to stir again, natch. It will probably look like this:

Cover and cook on medium for 15 minutes. Uncover and give (guess what?) another good stir, it should look about like this, steam and all:

Re-cover, reduce heat to medium low and allow to simmer for another 45 minutes, uncovering for the last 15 minutes of that. If you wish to thicken the broth, add 2 tbls of all purpose flour to about 1/2 a cup of water and mix until blended. Add the slurry to the hot stew and mix well.

Serve with slices of buttered fresh bread. Tonight I used an herb & cheese loaf I baked specifically for the stew.

Dark Chocolate & Almond Oatmeal Cookies

coffeeandamphetamines — Thu, 21 Jun 2012 21:46:45 -0500

Not being able to sleep, I decided to do some baking. This baking was intended for tomorrow (well, later today) but I figured I would get a head start on the process.

I started with this recipe, making a couple changes such as using rolled oats instead of instant & white whole wheat flour instead of unbleached white. I set the butter out in a bowl to soften, thinking I would just spend my time reading until it was ready…then I fell asleep.

So here it is 6:59 am, and I am making cookies.

I know, that is a terrifying amount of sugar and butter, and I am totally doing it old school with a metal bowl and wooden spoon too…despite the fact that I have a Kitchen-Aid stand mixer, lawl. It’s a good upper body workout, or something. (honestly it’s total laziness…I didn’t want to haul the mixer down from it’s high shelf)

Once the oats & flour are in it’s looking like cookies.

And then you add the slivered almonds (because yes, I did desire nuts in the batter….that sounds either kinky or gross) and chocolate chips…I used Ghirardelli 60% cacao chips. I love that they are bigger and flatter than the typical chocolate chips. They make it seem like there is a higher chocolate per bite ratio. (Is ratio even the right word here? I am a bit on the math-dum side so forgive me my foibles)

Since my oven is small, I am doing micro batches of 6 cookies at a time.

And see how pretty they turned out? They taste as good as they look too.

I was wondering why they didn’t spread out like cookies made with butter usually do, but I suspect the slivered almonds are giving them the extra support.

(Not) My Mama's Meatloaf

coffeeandamphetamines — Thu, 14 Jun 2012 18:39:41 -0500

Ahhh, meatloaf. Most people either love it or they hate it. I happen to be a huge fan of it when it is done right…my mama’s included.

Meatloaf was the very second thing I learned to cook, (the first being homemade egg noodles that I was too young to recall helping with) having been taught by a family friend who was babysitting me one afternoon after kindergarten. Somehow, the basic recipe has stuck with me all these many years and it’s one I use time & again. Oh I have made variations on the basics when I make it, but certain things remain constant in the recipe.

Always Standard (although I usually use 2 lbs of lean ground beef, the turkey sausage is a wild card)

4-5 small red potatoes, sliced thinly

1 lb of lean ground beef

1 lb of turkey breakfast sausage

1 large egg

1/3 of a cup of rolled oats (I never measure, I just use handfuls…but each of my handfuls is about 1/4 of a cup and I use a little more than that.)

really generous splash of worcestershire sauce

good shake of garlic powder

The Wild Cards

Omaha Steaks Steak Seasoning, a good shake or two (here is where you can use whatever spices you wish…I usually tailor my spices to what I am using to sauce the meatloaf.)

1/2 a bottle of Heinz 57 Sauce (I have used pasta sauce, BBQ sauce, Ketchup…really any sauce you want can work. I did 57 because it works so well with beef and poultry alike)

Finely chopped onion and mushrooms, sauteed in a little butter or olive oil can also go in the mix. I have done this on occasion too. Make sure you really cook the mushrooms down though so they don’t leach out too much and make the meatloaf too watery.

The Low Down

Layer the thinly sliced potatoes in the bottom of an oiled baking dish.

Mix together the meats, egg, oats, spices, worcestershire, etc….everything but the sauce to go on top. Mix it well…really get in there with your clean, ring free hands and squoosh it up good. Don’t be a namby…sac up and get to playing with that meat! You know you want to…

Next, spread the meat mixture evenly on top of the taters, making sure it reaches to the edges. With your finger, poke several holes in the meat spread, this will help with the sauce enflavorment (yes…yes I am saying that. eff you!)

Top with the 57 sauce or sauce of your choice and shove in a 350 degree oven for about 1 hour.

Serve to your starving family with a lovely green salad on the side & the hope that there will be leftovers. (In my house? Usually not.)

The taters will soak up all those lovely meat juices and be so tender and delicious. Trust me. Are you drooling yet?

The Ricotta Cake Experiment

coffeeandamphetamines — Thu, 14 Jun 2012 16:14:23 -0500

So…last night around 8:30 I got a wild hair up my ass to make a cake with some whole milk ricotta we had in the fridge. I managed to find this recipe that killed two birds with one stone as I also had some fresh blueberries that needed using.

I won’t repeat the ingredients here since this is not my recipe and I am incredibly lazy. However, I will post the making of the deliciousness.

Look at that. Bottom layer topped with fresh, plump blueberries. Blueberry placement is crucial…CRUCIAL I SAY! *coughcoughahemcough* Carrying on…

Boring old ricotta cheesecake mixture spread on top of the blueberries…if you look closely you can spy a blueberry or two winking at you.

The finished product, cooling on a wire rack. In my rush to feed everyone I forgot to take a photo of a cut slice…trust me, it was delicious. *burp*

Ratatouille Con Carne

coffeeandamphetamines — Thu, 14 Jun 2012 15:59:00 -0500

Yes. It’s a mix of two romance languages…don’t like it? Suck it :D

So, I had the meat, I had the veg…I decided to see if it would work.

The Usual Suspects

2 tbl of extra virgin olive oil

1 large shallot, minced

1 small eggplant, peeled and cubed

2 small yellow crookneck squash, cubed

2 fresh, medium sized tomatoes, cubed

1 lb of tenderloin steak tips, raw

1-15 oz can of tomato sauce

2 good drizzles of aged balsamic vinegar

2 dried bay leaves, dried thyme, garlic powder

The M.O.

Drizzle olive oil in a good sized stock pot and saute shallot until golden.

Add raw steak tips and 1 drizzle of balsamic. Cook until meat begins to brown.

Add cubed eggplant to the pot and the 2nd drizzle of balsamic.

Stir well, cover and let steam/saute for 10 min. Add the tomatoes, squash, tomato sauce, bay leaves, thyme and garlic powder.

Stir well and let simmer on medium low for 30 minutes. Serve with slices of warm, buttered bread…preferably a hearty one like a 9 grain or barley.

This turned out even better than I could have imagined. The meat was so tender and the flavors were amazing. Will make this again.

Hobo (With a Shotgun) Stew

coffeeandamphetamines — Thu, 07 Jun 2012 18:00:57 -0500

Part 2 in the Zombie Apocalypse Chow series.

Imagine if you will, you are wandering the desolate post-apocalyptic landscape, trusty shotgun at your side and hungry family straggling along behind. What to do, what to do…then you spy an abandoned minimart. Huzzah! Oh…but it’s been ravenously picked over. *heavy sigh* Wait, what’s this? Suddenly you unearth some beat up canned goods that might just stretch that wild game and veggies you managed to scavenge earlier. Hot damn! Soup’s on!

Ingredients

2-3 skinned & cleaned varmints (whatever you managed to scrounge, I am not going to judge you…personally, I used 4 quarter pound all beef hot dogs, but then I had them on hand and you, out there in the wastelands sans refrigeration, most likely do not)

2 cans of pork & beans or bbq beans (I used some leftover Zarda BBQ beans and a can of pork & beans, but you cannot afford to be choosy)

1 can of manwich sauce (you know there will be plenty of this shizz floating around during the dark days)

2 ears of fresh corn, gently roasted over the open fire (I am going to assume when you scoped out this minimart and found it safe of the living dead you decided to camp for a spell, so a fire would be in order.)

2 manwich cans of purified water (always purify! we do not want George Romero’s Revenge do we?)

Cookery

If you managed to find some oil in the remains of the grocery stock, drizzle a little in a heated pan, hub cap, bucket, etc (otherwise you can rely on the fat from the varmint to help with the process) and saute until browned.

Add beans, manwich and water…stir well.

Add fresh roasted corn, after removing from the cob with your pocket knife. (Yes, I know it’s not easy, who said the dark times would be unicorns, puppies and roses? Sac up and do it!)

Stir everything together well and let simmer for about 30 min. If you happened to find a box of instant rice on those dusty shelves, add a a small handful or two to it before the simmer.

Dig in and watch your backs. This has not been tested but might have a fragrance that is redolent of tasty, living brains…

Strawberry Delight

coffeeandamphetamines — Tue, 22 May 2012 19:20:31 -0500

Yes. The name is cheesy. However, these are strawberries and they are delightful. So suck it. No, really.

Things

1 lb of fresh strawberries

3 tbl of sugar

1-2 tbl of balsamic vinegar

Stuff

Clean and quarter strawberries, tossing into a decent sized glass bowl.

Add sugar and balsamic vinegar, mixing well.

Allow to sit, at room temperature, for 30-45 min. This will allow the sugar & vinegar to mix with the natural juices of the strawberries and make a most excellent sauce.

Serve over shortcakes with fresh whipped cream or simply on their own.

(Okay so this really doesn’t qualify as a recipe, but screw it. The strawberries looked so amazing that I had to snap pics.)

Bloody Tatties and Beans

coffeeandamphetamines — Tue, 22 May 2012 17:53:22 -0500

AKA, Green Beans & New Potatoes with Tomatoes

12 new potatoes, quartered

1/2 to 1 pound of fresh green beans (ends snapped off and any long beans snapped in halves or thirds to make shorter)

1/2 a pint of grape tomatoes, halved

1/2 to 1 tbl of sea salt

1/2 tbl agave syrup (or use the sweetener of your choice here…don’t skip it though because it is important)

2 small bay leaves (or the herbs of your choice)

2 cloves of garlic, minced

2 tbl of unsalted butter (olive oil may be used if you wish)

enough water to cover the vegetables

How to do it

Dump your quartered potatoes into a reasonably sized stock pot and cover with water. Add in the herbs, salt and sweetener, giving a good stir.

Bring to a boil and cook until the potatoes are almost done (usually about 20-30 min). Add the beans and let boil for an additional 7 minutes or until the beans are well done but still bright green.

Drain, removing bay leaves and then return to hot pot.

Toss with garlic, tomatoes and butter until well coated, adding a dash of salt & freshly cracked pepper if you wish.

Yes. Some of the taters might break up and mash a bit. This is no problem…just eat it and STFU.

These are nice served alongside some ham slices that have been briefly marinated in a mix of balsamic vinegar and agave syrup then pan sauteed.

Midnight at the Oasis

coffeeandamphetamines — Thu, 10 May 2012 19:25:00 -0500

Or, A Moroccan-inspired Veggie Stew

Things To Pottify

1 small yellow onion, diced

1 large glove of garlic, minced

2 small (and I do mean SMALL, we are talking almost pear-sized here) butternut squash, peeled, seeded and chunked

1 small yam/sweet potato, peeled and chunked

3 small to med. small zucchini, chunked

1 can of rotel tomatoes with green chilies, drained (choose your own level of hotness, I went with mild)

3 roma tomatoes, chunked

1/4-1/3 cup of raisins

1 - 15 ounce can of garbanzo beans, undrained

cinnamon, paprika, coriander, chili powder (cumin would work well here in place of the chili powder and coriander, but sometimes you are full of fail like me and have none)

good splash of 90 proof coconut rum for deglazing

2 cups of low sodium veggie broth

splash of lemon juice

2 tbl extra virgin olive oil

1 tbl agave syrup (to bring out the tomato flavor and also help cut the acid a bit)

splash of balsamic vinegar

sea salt, to taste

How To Create

Saute onion and garlic in olive oil until soft, about 5-8 min. Add yam, butternut squash and all the spices, give a good stir and saute for another 10 min.

Afterwards use the rum to deglaze the pan, allowing this to cook for at least another 5-10 min to burn off the alcohol. Add everything else but the vinegar and salt (zukes, garbanzos, both fresh & tinned tomatoes, raisins, lemon juice, agave and broth) stir well and cover. Should look something like this prior to covering:

Allow to simmer on med to med. low for 30 min. Remove lid and allow to simmer for another 30 min. Give a good stir. Mix up 1/2 cup of water with 2 heaping tbls of whole wheat flour. Add to pot and stir well to thicken. Remove from heat and let sit for 10 mins before adding salt and splash of balsamic. Dig in and have a foodgasm:

Ratatat-touille

coffeeandamphetamines — Wed, 02 May 2012 18:34:27 -0500

Yes. I was trying to be cute when I made the title. Bite me. So anyway, here is my version of that french classic, Ratatouille.

Things To Shove in a Large Pot

1 medium onion, diced

3 cloves of garlic, minced

1 small eggplant, peeled & cubed

8 oz. baby portabella mushrooms, cut in quarters

2 small zucchini, cubed

1 bunch of baby spinach, long stems cut off

2 - 15 oz cans of tomato sauce

1/2 to 1 tbl herbes de provence (I was out and so this time used rosemary, parsley, thyme, bay leaf and basil)

2 tbl olive oil

2 tbl aged balsamic vinegar

splash of worcestershire sauce

1 can of low fat chicken broth

What To Do

Sweat the onion & garlic in the olive oil until soft and starting to caramelize. Not too brown, mind you, but just starting to get there…like this:

Once you have achieved this, turf in the eggplant cubes, stirring well, and allow to steam/sautee for about 5 min before adding the mushrooms and balsamic vinegar. Stir well, cover and let cook for another 5 min. or until you achieve this (steam and all!):

Finally, add the cubed zukes, tomato sauce and spices, stir well and cover. It should look something like this before you cover it:

Meanwhile, have a lovely boule of barley bread dough (totally from a box) rising in the oven while the stew simmers:

Simmer for 1 hour on low until bread has had time to rise, bake and cool, stirring often (30 min into this simmer, add the splash of worcestershire sauce & chicken broth, stirring well. Also up the temp to medium). Right before serving, add baby spinach, give it a good stir and cover for 5 min. or until spinach wilts.

Serve bowls of warm ratatouille with fresh buttered slices of barley bread and devour with gusto.

Post Zombie Apocalypse Survival Chow

coffeeandamphetamines — Tue, 17 Apr 2012 14:34:00 -0500

So this weekend I decided to see how this grain mix worked with a jar of pasta sauce as a quick, fiber and protein-filled food source. For a zombie apocalypse. For SCIENCE!

Okay, I will freely admit that a large part of this was concocted from a completely lazy and sloth-filled soul that looked upon this as boiling, dumping and stirring for lunch. And I also wanted to see if I could make this really awesome grain mix taste like spaghettio’s. I am not proud. At any rate, here is the ‘recipe’ dubious as it is.

SpaghettiGrains

1 cup of Earthly Choice Heritage Grain mix (this can easily be stored and carried in your Bug-Out Food Backpack)

3 cups of water (make sure you use those water purification tablets you hoarded before the dark times descended)

1 vegetable bouillon cube (also easily stored in above mentioned backpack)

1 jar of pasta sauce of your choice (I used a Ragu 6-cheese variety, which made it very spaghettio’s tasting, but normally I have Newman’s Own, Bertolli or Barilla brands on hand. This is the ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE though, so use wtf ever you can find! Also, it would not be advisable - for obvious reasons - to carry this in your backpack. I am going to assume you are travelling the land and using what jarred or canned goods you can procure…this is what I would do.)

What to do after you have found a suitable pot, built a fire and purified your water

Bring the water (again, PURIFIED! no one wants to dodge zombies with a serious case of hershey squirts…just sayin’) and grains to a boil, then lower heat (or move the pan to a less fiery part of the fire pit..whatever works, this is not my area of expertise…yet.) and simmer for 20 min or until the grains have soaked up the water and are soft (because you forgot to pack a watch for the impending apocalypse, didn’t you?). Add to the cooked grains, the entire contents of the jar of whatever sauce you managed to find, (checking first that it hasn’t been opened previously by an enterprising member of the walking dead, only to be discarded as decidedly un-brainly and now left to mold) and stir well. Let sit for about 5-10 minutes (assuming you are not under attack) before dishing out and serving.

This makes quite a lot of food output for such a small investment and is chock full of protein and fiber…all the things necessary to remain in prime fighting or fleeing condition, and - as was pointed out by an early reader - very regular (because who wants to run from hungry hordes of flesh eating zombies when you desperately need to pop a growler but cannot). If you have managed to grab some non-poisonous wild greens prior, those would work well tossed in here too and will bring some much needed vitamins.

I am quite sure the Post Zombie Apocalypse version won’t look nearly as delightful, but this is something to aspire to during those dark times.

Sleep is for the weak! Or, how I made pickles after midnight.

coffeeandamphetamines — Sat, 14 Apr 2012 02:19:00 -0500

After a hideous day of joint issues that kept me cat napping on the sofa, I am wide awake right now at 1:30 in the morning…and making zucchini pickles. I know…where is the logic? None, other than this zucchini really needed to be used and I had a wild hair up my anus. Or something.

So. Pickles. How did I arrive there? I really have no idea other than I walked by the zucchini that has been sitting, forlornly, on the kitchen island since Tuesday and my brain shouted ‘I know! PICKLES!’. My brain is known for it’s ridiculous ideas, and I usually follow them. After perusing some recipes online I found this one and adapted it to my cupboard/level of laziness.

Not having a mandoline slicer anymore (I probably needed more practice with it, but when I did have one, every time I used it I feared I would shave my knuckles off), I simply sliced the zucchini and half of a red onion as thin as I could with my santoku. I then layered the slices in a non-shallow dish, did not salt them and commenced to making my brine. See how well I follow directions? And by this I mean not well at all. I always do this when I have a recipe in front of me…even my own!

Ahhh yes, the brine. A sweet vinegary solution that made my eyes sting while it was simmering and cooling. The whole house reeked of vinegar and I am shocked it didn’t wake Spouse and the Rabid Hyena Pair. I had neither turmeric or mustard seed, so subbed some rustic tuscan spice blend instead. After all, it’s zucchini we are talking about here, and zucchini won’t mind. Zucchini never minds and is, IMO, one of the least bitchy vegetables to work with. Raw, steamed, fried, baked, pickled. It’s all good. So laid back and chill is the zucchini, it’s the Dalai Lama of the vegetable world. But I digress. Brine. Here it is. If this were a scratch & sniff blog, your eyes and nostrils would be singing an aria of pain right now.

While the brine was cooling, I decided to just layer the zucchini and onion in the ball jars to pour the cooled brine into directly, thus saving a step. I may have also decided to thinly slice a clove of garlic per jar and layer it in there too.

After getting one and most of a second jar filled with brine, I realized my dilemma…I was out of brine. No worries! I shall make more! And make more I did, after cursing the high shelf that housed the bulk of the house’s sugar.

Now I just have to let these marinate in the fridge for 24 hours and we shall see how tasty they are. The brine is fantastic, btw.